This is the Punny Part of the Site
Republicans turned off by the size of Obama's package.
The sign outside of the drug rehabilitation center read: Keep off the grass.
Winning candy as a prize is always a sweet victory.
I tried wrapping Christmas presents, but I didn't have the gift.
Those interested only in board games at Christmas might just be chess nuts roasting by an open fire.
Jokes about eyes are always very cornea.
You should never tell a window a joke, because it might crack up.
The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
I was going to be a gastric bypass specialist, but I wasn't able to stomach it.
Don't justify sin, just defy sin.
Never invest in funerals, it's a dying industry.
Everyone in the family knew that they had to join the spy agency. It was a clan destine operation.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I had some back trouble, but it's all behind me now.
Did you hear about the man who got his finger stuck in his computer? He was trying to insert his thumb drive.
The sign on a broken perfume bottle read, "Out of odor".
The ankle was an arch enemy of the heel because the heel had a sole that could neither toe the line nor keep instep.
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
Cross-eyed teachers can't control their pupils.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.
He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.
I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
The cat took up computer lessons in hopes of mastering its grip on a mouse.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
I'm bad at math, so the equation 2n+2n is 4n to me.
If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren't idiots. That would be stereotyping.
Why does it seem impossible to run out of math teachers? Because they always multiply.
Antelope: When your aunt runs off to get married.
What's black and blue and lying in a ditch? A man who told too many blonde jokes.
I tried to get you some chicken, but it was fowl.
A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
A backward poet writes inverse.
In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.
She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
My rechargeable batteries are revolting.
With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
A pessimist's blood type is b-negative.
Practice safe eating -- use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
Alarms: What an octopus is.
Crick: The sound that a Japanese camera makes.
Dockyard: A physician's garden.
Khakis: What you need to start the car in Boston .
Oboe: An English tramp.
Pasteurize: Too far to see.
Propaganda: A gentlemanly goose.
Toboggan: Why we go to an auction.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.